Oct 31, 2015

ريندو

Tipulah  kalau aku tak rindu gelak dengan kau,
nak stories dengan kau,
nak tidur sekatil dengan kau,
nak gaduh - gaduh manja dengan kau,
rindu everything tentang kau.
what a childish play this is?
hahahah.
i lost both of my bet friends because of their love.
Foolish game.
Seriously aku rindu kau dengan dia jiddan jiddan.
Uhibbukumfillah jiddan jiddan.
Orang kata kalau satu hari nanti kau cakap "kau dah berubah sangat"
dekat sahabat kau, then it means kau sendiri
yang tak cukup kenal lagi sahabat kau tuh, kau tak cukup lagi stay in thick and thin of his or her life. 
Mungkin aku tak cukup lagi kenal kau.
Mungkin ni semua salah aku sebab pengecut sangat untuk tarik kau.
Mungkin ni semua salah aku sebab rasa diri aku ni baik sangat,
bajet sangat tapi tinggalkan kau macam tu je.
Aku tau aku memang teruk, cakap orang tapi diri sendiri sama je.
Macam mana teruk pun kau, kau still the same future bridesmaid yang aku sayang sangat - sangat.
i love you through thick and thin, and ups and downs of your life. babe.
aku nak tau aku dah maafkan semua salah kau dekat aku,
and aku hope kau maafkan jugak semua salah aku.
aku bersyukur sangat dekat ALLAH sebab kenalkan aku dekat kau walaupun sekejap.
aku still beryukur atas sekejap tu.
aku nak kau tau aku tak pernah menyesal kenal kau tak pernah menyesal rapat dengan kau.
aku harap silaturrahim kita akan berkekalan walaupun tak serapat dulu
mungkin aku bukan kawan yang cukup baik lagi untuk kau.
aku harap diorang jaga kau baik baik care dekat kau as i did and will ever do.
allah yutfah alaiki in spm. 
once again. aku sayang kau sangat-sangat. maafkan aku. 
Uhibbuki fillah jiddan jiddan abadan abada.
Ukhuwahfillah. Biiznillah.
Semoga Allah redha.





















Aug 23, 2015

Insurgent.

Image result for weheartit

Bismillah.
Faith is like taking a first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Keep Believing.
I don't how i'm gonna turn up next year or next month or next week or tomorrow and so on. 
I can just keep praying for Him to straighten my path.

Today i love you , tomorrow i might hate you.
Heart dear, it's the heart. We'll never know the surprises. Just believe in Qada' and Qadar.
Awak, i'm sorry if one day i turn my back on you. 
I just hope for you to slap my face hard enough and front me face to face.
Sorry is easier to be said than to be done.
I know that, i just hope i will always be right there for you. In your ups and downs. 
Cuba redha.
Cuba syukur seadanya.
Cuba sabar dan percaya.
Insyaallah, perancangan Dia tu luar daripada expectation kita.
Dia mesti nakkan yang terbaik.
"Kerana Dia tahu kita mampu,
oleh itu kita diuji sayang.

So, i really don't have a degree on the poetic words.
Btw, straight As Diagnostik 2015 please. Ameen. 
for me, for you , for both of us and for all the Le' Scintillating 1216
Dear Ain, Uhibbukifillah Jiddan Jiddan Abadan Abada.





Jun 4, 2015

Nothing


Bismillah.
dah bulan 6. dah habis HKSBP42. dah habis midterm. dah setengah tahun hidup sebagai form 4.
dah 6 bulan gelak dekat 4 Benz. dah 27 + 28 +31 +30 +31 + 4 hari menetap dekat dorm 6 modenas.okay nak kira minit pulak. haha
orang kata kenangan tu indah yup. tapi untuk patah balik dan lalui semua benda yang dah berlaku ni balik mungkin tak. sebab benda yang berlaku tu pengalaman. how pretty or bad it is, it still memories.

rindu yup memang rindu sangat. dan akan rindu sangat.

"pada kamu rindu itu bagaimana?"
--"bagi aku rindu bagaikan perempuan mamnu' yang masih bangun pada sepertiga malam. Dia memandang sejadah dan telekungnya tetapi hanya mampu berzikir semampunya . bagi aku rindu itu begitu. berusaha mendekat."

for those who keep asking why i feel distant. ask yourself first, why you start distant yourself from me. why i changed? well that stupid question again. 
because hadith said "people who are so worthless are the one who doesn't change from who he are yesterday"
each second, dear you, i am making changes towards myself and in my nawaitu ,to a better me each second, and if you doesn't heard anything, maybe you are one of the changes.

welll aku dah rasa bahagian jatuh yang dalam sangat waktu naik roller coaster hidup aku . 
sakit? kau kena rasa baru kau tau. 
dulu aku pun sama persoalkan kenapa minah ni terasa jauh sangat. banyak berubah.
then bila benda sama jadi dekat aku baru aku faham.
penat. nak puaskan hati semua orang. i try my best though.
apa yang aku mampu, buat apa yang puaskan Allah.
cukup dah.
just one thing, nak something kena sacrifice something dear. 
takda benda percuma kat dunia ni

May 3, 2015

By Heart




"Kau dah banyak berubah."
Did you often got that sentence? Yeah i am.
If i want, i will reply.
"It's not me who changed. It is you who didn't live in the up & down of my life."
But i'm too kind to hurt your feelings.
Because to me i still hope you are a friend to me.
Yes i am . I'm making some changes in my life. If you don't hear anything from me, you are one of them.
Sorry.
To you, well let me dedicate this quote for you.
When someone says "You've changed." It simply means you've stopped living your life their way.
Like he said "Semakin kau besar kau akan mula sedar , kau tak perlukan kawan yang banyak pun dalam hidup ni."
All i need is Sahabat, who will not flinch even an inch when she/he heard about your bad rumors. Because she know you by your heart. She know your heart more than she know you. Although in her heart she also doubting you and want to know the truth from your mouth when you're ready but at her face she didn't showed it even a cell because she know she had to be strong for you. And she know, from now on she heard about your problems, you will have a lot of trust issues and she don't want to be in one of them. Because she know now you are riding in your life roller coaster that will take you by screaming a LOT. Because then in her heart, she hope that when she is having the same drama in her life AGAIN , you will be there the same way, like she did be for you. That's Sahabat.

So, i am in the journey of finding one.
I don't need trillion nor million or hundreds just one is enough.
Yes, the journey had started a long time a go, in searching for sahabat that i know him/her and him/her know me by Heart.

Mar 16, 2015

Le' Scintillating

Assalamualaikum and peace be upon to you.

Being nice can sometimes be fatal to you. For instance, when someone pisses you off, but you decide not to do anything to them simply because you don't want to make things worse & you don't want to pick a fight with anyone. But then again, you hurt yourself because people will keep on walking over you & stepping on you as if you're just a piece of shit, because they know you won't do anything about it & they know that you're too nice to even get pissed off. My patience has its limits too, but somehow my level of patience is a bit higher than everybody else. However if you're really getting on my nerves then I won't hesitate on discharging all of the madness I've been holding on inside.
But some people say it's the other way around. To be able to be kind & nice to everyone in a world full of hatred, is somehow considered a gift. I believe it's okay to be nice, but it's not okay to let people step on you regardless of who they are or what situation you're in. At one point, you have to stand up for yourself.
--qad






2015. wow it's been a really long journey huh. quite impress with myself. 
it only had been 3 months but a lot had happened. a lot i don't wan't to happened. a lot i had to move on with.
So many expectations from people to handle. so many to improve in myself. 
thanks for people that gave a lot of advise , stand by me in the upside down of my life.

How form four?
Hmmm its nice , well im a grown up people already a senior . so it's fair if the upside down already up in level right. takpe sabar. allah ada. well how broken up me with mylife sometimes how really i feel to just let all of it .ingat balik why i started? Adjusting to the new form four maybe tough but that's the challenge adapting to the new subject woahhhh but if others can did, so why i kennot right . Why Benz? Hmm maybe that His plan for me,  redha.

Ukhuwah?
Alhamdulillah kawan yang hadir form 4 baru baik baik belaka. tapi biasalah bila naik form 4 people comes and go so try to chill my self up!
"Kesayangan.
Peoples come and go in your life. The best will stay. If it's hard for you, it is enough for us if that 'stay' means in our heart forever. Ukhuwahfillah. Uhibbukum fillah jiddan jiddan. Fi hifzillah."

Untuk awak awak yang pergi dan awak awak yang akan pergi, saya nak awak tahu saya sayang awak semua. deep in my heart  really loved all of you, siapa tak sayang kawan kan? kau siapa nak hidup tanpa kawan? 3 tahun wei hidup sebumbung , tidur sebilik, makan sepinggan , belajar semeja siapa tak sayang we, mungkin tu lah hikmah duduk asrama. kau akan hargai gila kawan kau . lagi lagi budak batch. kalau sorang sakit rasa macam diri sendiri pulak. kawan dah jadi sebahagian dalam diri. tanpa kawan kat asrama & sekolah kau tak hidup bro. tak survive. so bila sorang sorang Le' Scintillating pergi rasa macam tak lengkap dah diri. Setiap sorang LSC bawak peranan masing masing. tak kish lah aku rapat ke tak dengan setiap orang. tapi setiap orang mempunyai memori walaupun sikit dengan sorang yang lain.

Untuk kau, kawan aku yang dah pergi.
aku harap kehidupan kau lebih baik dekat sana. memang sedih sangat bila kawan nak pergi. semua kenangan . pehh tipulah siapa tak sedih kan. tap aku pegang bende ni.

" Selagi ada waktu, didiklah hati dan diri sendiri untuk tidak bergantung pada yang lain melainkan Allah. Jangan bla sudah tiada waktu nanti baru sibuk mencari tempat pergantungan yang hakiki. Kerana waktu itu tiada yang sanggup bersama dengan kita kecuali si Pemilik Waktu. masyaallah."

insyaallah aku belajar tak bergantung lagi dengan kau. kene belajar berdikari kan? doakan aku dekat sini. terima kasih untuk semua memori , semua pertolongan , semua jasa kau. Insyaallah. sahabat till Jannah ye.

Untuk kau yang akan pergi,
selagi ada waktu taksalah untuk aku suruh kau pikir lagi sekali kan. fikir masak masak. seriously sorang sorang yang aku rapat nak pergi. takpe aku percaya perancangan Allah. Dia nak hadirkan yang lebih baik lah tu. Apa apa pun jangan fikir sangat masalah tu. take a rest. take a breath bro. give yourself a life you will remember . kalau betul kau pergi. jaga diri dekat sana. jangan lupa LSC dekat sni. serioustalk. hmmm tipulah kan aku tak rindu nanti bila lalu kelas Edison dengan Ibn Sina. rindu dengan lawak hambar korang. rindu dengan korang yang suka bahan orang. pehh sedih wei. pikir cam mana nak adapt tanpa korang, tanpa kau. but i believe you know the choice you made. ape ape pun just know i will always stand by you. ingat jangan pendam sangat sorang sorang. taknak cerita dekat manusia, allah ada. semua keputusan yang kita buat dekat dunia ni tak pernah salah. sebab semuanya ada hikmah . allah tak uji kalau kita tak mampu.

so all of Le'Scintillating keep our friendship tough. keep our chin up. chill bro. bak kata budak ni "peoples come and go la. nanti lepas SPM semua orang dah pergi hah waktu tu lah nak kenal mana kawan ke tak, diorang akan kekalkan hubungan tu. Move on memang takes time but make it shorter la!."

so Sakinah move on ! make it shorter. "bukannya aku pergi mana pun tukar sekolah je kan."
aku harap kau kekalkan janji ye. tegur tegur tegur. jangan lupa kitaorang. takde alasan eh. lasty kalau ayat ni miracle well thats my hope la. Jangan lah pindah. 

lastly wherever we go, just keep the heart together. all of us #LSC1216 forever. insyaallah. all of you is a part of us. always. 
well all of you will always be #LSC1216 forever and after. yes moving on takes time and i will make it shorter. forever SISMe. ukhuwah fillah. uhibbukum fillah jiddan jiddan. fi hifzillah.
XOXO.

Jan 5, 2015

Book Review: The Fault In Our Star by John Green



Annyeong and Hello buddies, i came back for more book review and i already set my read goal for 2015. Well it's not like i want-to-read-million-books-goal but it to restrain me from reading too many books funny ain't it haha. but i need to do so because you see i'm a student and this year i'm form 4 and i really take serious that form 4 is a year to struggle so you don't have to swim in pool of tears in form 5 later. i will only read one book for each month but since november and december are school holidays so i can read two books so it makes my read goal for 2015 is only 14 books. i think it is hard really how can i restrain myself when there is a Big Bad Wolf or book sales or RM5 each books at Popular end sales???? how can i but my aunt said you can buy it but stay at the policy 14 books for 2015 and let the other books stay put at the shelf. it will be hard i know but i need to do it. learned from mistakes. okay enough of babbling let start with the review but this book is not include in my goal hehe since the school holidays aren't over yet, i know i'm sly.

Despite the tumor-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten.
Insightful, bold, irreverent, and raw, The Fault in Our Stars is award-winning author John Green's most ambitious and heartbreaking work yet, brilliantly exploring the funny, thrilling, and tragic business of being alive and in love.

The synopsis from Goodreads well , firstly i seldom read the book if i had watch the movie and vice versa but since this was a gift from someone so i thought i might gave it a try and it really good. I finish it like 10 hours i thought, well i can't stay focus with many things to do.

The Fault in Our Stars is about sixteen Hazel Grace Lancaster who has been living with a terminal illness for a quarter of her life. She's on an experimental, and entirely fictional, treatment that's buying her some additional time. No one knows whether that time will be weeks, months, or years because Hazel is riding the first wave of treatment. Much of Hazel's life has been spent preparing to die. She's a vegetarian because she wants to lessen the number of deaths she's responsible for. She worries about how her mother will deal with the shift in status from mom to no-longer-a-mom and how well her parents' marriage will hold up in the aftermath. Essentially she's tucked herself away from just about everyone to lessen the damage that will happen when, not if, she dies.


She meets a boy named Augustus Waters at a cancer support group. He's attractive, charismatic, and down one leg but at the moment exhibiting no signs of recurrence. He has a future and Hazel does not. He doesn't mind Hazel's lack of future or, at least, it doesn't lessen his fascination with her. They become flirty friends, but Hazel draws the line there, refusing to be the 'grenade' that damages him with emotional shrapnel. They exchange books and bond a lot over Hazel's selection, An Imperial Affliction.



An Imperial Affliction is about a girl with terminal cancer, but it's not like other cancer books where everyone is brave and tough etc etc. It was essentially the author talking at you through a curtain so he knows you understand how 'real' his book is. AIA famously ends in the middle of a sentence. Hazel gets that either Anna, the narrator of AIA, died or got too sick to continue, but she really wants to know what happens to all the side characters. Augustus, being a teenage boy trying to impress the girl, starts communicating with the author to get some answers. The author refuses to reveal the outcome of the novel in letters, emails, or over the phone as it might constitute a sequel if somehow published. He invites them to visit him in Amsterdam for the conclusion.

Augustus has a Wish given to him by The Make A Wish Foundation, which he states was 'in exchange for my leg.' Hazel used her wish when her death seemed more imminent. Augustus uses his wish to take her and her mother (no Disappearing Parent Syndrome here) to Amsterdam to meet the author. The author is an angry alcoholic who finds Hazel dressing up as Anna particularly distracting and tells them very little about what they came looking for. Augustus and Hazel come together in Amsterdam. It is romantic and bittersweet. It is, after all, a first and a last love rolled into one. 


After they've slept together, Augustus tells Hazel that his body is essentially 'made of cancer.' The tests for cancer lit up his skeletal structure like a Christmas tree. He is terminal and while they talk about fighting and cures they both know there will be no hail mary pass or extension for Augustus, they both know the score. Augustus acknowledges the selfishness of what he's done, especially since Hazel was trying to spare him the scars he has now inflicted on her, but with the situation reversed Hazel realizes how insane it was to believe withholding herself would some how make her death easier for Augustus. The book spends several dark chapters on the end of Augustus's life and you'll probably cry like a little bitch, I know I did.


This book goes deeper than high school romance and Manic Pixie Dream Girl angst. This is about life, death, illness, love, heroism, and how a sixteen-year-old is supposed to deal with the fact that she will die and leave everyone she loves behind. This is not, as Hazel Lancaster might say, a Cancer Book. None of the cancer patients in this story have a wisdom beyond their years, and they do not stoically accept the fact that they will die or fight heroically. Hazel Lancaster, a terminal sixteen-year-old who has to carry an oxygen tank everywhere because "my lungs suck at being lungs" is refreshingly real - not manic, not a pixie, not a dream girl. She reads Great Books and watches America's Next Top Model marathons. Augustus Waters, her amputee friend, wants desperately to leave a lasting impression on the world and philosophizes about heroism, and his favorite book is a novelization of a video game. Everything here is real, especially the diseases. There isn't any **** about dying gracefully here, because cancer is ugly and unpleasant, and Green makes you feel Hazel's lungs struggling to breathe and the pain, and see the vomit and urine. (Remember how in A Walk to Remember, Mandy Moore has been secretly dying of leukemia the whole time but looks great even on her deathbed? Nicholas Sparks can ***** that insult to real cancer patients) Most importantly, Hazel and Augustus are not defined by their cancer. It consumes their lives, but it doesn't define them. On every page, it's clear: this is a story told by someone who hasn't known just one person with cancer, but has seen a multitude of children with terminal diseases, and has tried to find some way to comfort them and their families. 


It's for that reason that I don't feel like I can review this like a normal book. John Green didn't write this story for me, And I certainly can't criticize any of its minor faults. All I can say, really, is that you have to read this for yourself, and go from there. This is the first time I’ve truly been at a loss for words. What am I supposed to say? How can I do this book justice? Maybe tell you all that it was perfect? The best, most heartbreaking, hilarious book that has touched me like none other? Sure. I mean, it's been said countless times, in countless reviews, and you know what? They are absolutely, a hundred and fifty percent true. well i don't think i can judge this book this time , let you read it and give ur opinion. 



The Quotes: -“My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” -“Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.”-“I'm in love with you," he said quietly.
"Augustus," I said.
"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.” -“There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.”

until then, XOXO.