May 2, 2017

Afraid

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Hi.
11 days till 14th of  May. When i was in my last year of highschool , i was selfishly the type to ignore about others , (read *amalkan sikap pergi mampus) but i think these days while i was busy distance myself from others , i lost track of miles.
The pros of it, i can study more efficiently , without concerning others without clouding my brain with others problem , the cons ,if you don't want to be burden by anyone then it's basic to not burden anyone with your problem too , ok. 

So these days i was searching for a person. These days i was thinking harder than usual , should i told him? what if she think i was too clingy? what if he was so busy to entertain my immaturity ? what if things got awkward between us? I just want someone to turn off my button , someone i can rant 24/7 and of course it should be give and take , but i thought i was carelessly building my walls those past days until i forgot to build a door. I don't know what is wrong with me,i'm not going to be too detailed because heck, I don't even know what I'm going through. I don't have the words to describe how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling now. Everything just seems to be very distant.

If i can pick between  beauty, confidence , i will choose the later . 
Instead of encouraging others and hearing others talk about how i can pass any interview easily , i want to say that i was afraid of interview too.
My feet got cold, my hand trembling from time to time, my sleep become poorer.
I'm not that confidence too, but people aren't noticing and they just think i'm joking, it's hard.
I'm not that confidence, it took me days to confront others , i was always assuming , it never took me an ounce of courage to rant about you face to face. 

I was never confidence with my English. It broke me so hard when I didn't got the interview for TESL , i was cover in grief for not putting it as my first choice , because right now i am afraid to continue with science physical , . I love math , 
I never even pass any test in addmath during my school year except the unofficial ones, but because i love it badly , i work hard and i was so proud even i only got a B+ in SPM .
But i am afraid of chemistry, it swept my life upside down . I am afraid. I always believe hardwork will never betray me , but i am afraid.

How do you like my new playlist? I'm having a girl crush on IU . I'm getting an eargasm 

till then, bye.

1 comment:

Do not use harsh words please =)