Dec 2, 2014

The End

Right know maybe .. MAYBE there's someone will notice my presence is dissolving right into the mist of the night , my presence had been swallowed and be carried away by November . 
If there's actually one human noticed me being missing...
Please remind me to hug you so damn tight..
I am crying  i'm telling you, sobbing so hard unconditionally 
I really don't know what have gotten to me this 2014 really.
I've changed so damn MUCH this year until me, myself didn't know who is this in front of me, just like who are you, ?? i really don't know  myself anymore, truthfully .
so today i sleep so long trying to find what is wrong with me, just really what is it...
opening my leather bounded book , i found it.

Dan kau tanya dalam diam
Dengan mata kau biar pejam
Bagaimana mampu wujud sunyi
Diriuh engkau berdiri
Satu persatu hilang ertinya
Berdikit-dikit menyesak dada
Mahu kau lari dan bersembunyi
Tapi mana kau harus pergi
Haus.. tak terpuas lautan
Lapar tak terkenyangkan
Kau tahu namun tak kau akukan
Kau selongkar bumi langit petala
Sedang jawabnya lama kau ada
Maka perlu apa kau bongkar gali
Kalau cuma diletak tepi
Sayu.. tak terjelas fikiran
Rebah tak tersambutkan
Kau tahu namun tak kau akukan
Apa kau cari yang sebetul betulnya
Lama mana begini
Bertelanjang jiwanya
Apa kau cari yang sesungguh sungguhnya
Malam siang berganti
Jawabnya tetap sama
Apa kau cari yang sebetul betulnya
Lama mana begini
Bertelanjang jiwanya
Apa kau nanti yang sesungguh sungguhnya
Malam siang berganti
Jawabnya tetap sama
Sayu.. tak terjelas fikiran
Rebah tak tersambutkan
Kau tahu kau sayu
Kau rindu sama Tuhan

so for those who might just in case , just realize that i've been missing , there's nothing i want to say.
There isn't any reason behind this.
If you are so hard on me by wanting me to give the reason thought, well accepted this
"Maybe i am reborn."
hahahah. Just accepted that , that was my last request for you.
Yes maybe i will never know or up to date to on how good is you doing nowadays but believe it's not because i don't care about you anymore but it's better this way.
Allah will always united us .
Actually i'm being strong right know believe me,
i'm telling myself again and again that this is really the right choice .
So please do me a favor by supporting my decision , for my haters really prays for me ahahah.
you know if i was given three wishes by genee the first wish is i want to have the special gift like Lee Jong Suk in the I Hear Your Voice.
i really want to know every inch of heart that you have.
What have you thought of me? What is your impression bout me? and Do you like me?
You know there's this person on my
He said: "aku budak jahat tak mati pun takda kawan."
the i've been thinking that sometimes.
You just need oxygen to breath and live why bothers other things.
so you if you are reading this,
i am grateful to have met you, may we meet again someday and just for you to be aware, i think i maybe will try to apply your technique next year. 
I'm excited on how it will turn to be, is my life will be upside down?
really can't wait.
"I don't talk much in real life. I love to observe every inch of life. So this is the result of my observation ."
Btw, i haven't decided which class to turn myself in next year.
I just don't know what to write anymore. Sorry because you had to waste your precious time reading my dumb post , well my parents doesn't raise me all this dumby in the first place.
Beg your pardon, until then.

Just have to breath

now keep your eyes off me and take a deep breath 
well you can continue reading , 2nd Dec woahh 2014 really flew like a *ffft
have you ever think what really is you doing right know, why i did this or i have to live for a damn what?!?! well that thought will seemly got into you sometimes like a refugee trying to get a hold of the country she or he is staying *woahhh just what am i ***
i'm a bookworm and i am unconditionally and irrevocably in love (don't laugh if u know this line) with supernatural romance english novel .
so my life is like this.
watching Twilight series over and over again until i managed to put a thought of Bella Swan in my head "Edward Cullen might get sick of your face watching him almost every month so can you just put off your damn face out of my boyfriend ??" 

or dreaming someday i can have a triangle love story like Cha Eun Sang and got a die-hot-dramatically-life with Kim Tan 

or waiting for a hot-dead-gorgeous boy to pull off my neck and turn me into his gorgeous undead eternals @ vampire girl and get the two siblings of hot-dead-gorgeous vampire pull out their fist because each one of them thought i am their long lost elena

oahhh can life just be this damn exciting thrilling trilogy? hahaha face it this is me.
you know here i will give you a sentence or something like motto oh right yes it is a motto to hold into in case just in case you might realize how pitiful your life are and how you want to end everything in your surrounding . just put this in your mind ,,

"Allah never burdens a soul beyond that it can bears."

SO when you can end this read of my so-damn-pitiful-like-to-kick-you-just-in-case-i-meet-you-blog-owner post , you can think just like me, likeee

yessssy now i understand why edward cullen won't choose me because there's possibility that i might run into Jacob when i get tired of his so cold hug

or finally obediently nodding why i never entangled my life like Cha Eun Sang because i probably 99% sure that i might change Kim Tan's life history because i'm sure enough that i will accept his dad offers and go puff to america or paris or france 

or draw my sweet pretty smile and truly accept my life why i don't have doppelganger that look like stefan and damon long-die-girlfriend because i know that i will become greedy and took the two of them because i will never get to choose between the two hot-dead-gorgeous-vampires 

so i hope this post inspired you on how to have a final thought of your life . so get a tight grip of december because you might let free of  yourself to be the insignificant and new you next year. 
until next time, adios!